This week left us feeling so lonely, so confused by the world, dropped to the bottom of the pit of WTF. So we turn to Backxwash, CSNY and Swamp Dogg. We can't stop caring: we feel like we owe it to someone. The world can feel overrun with bad choice egregores that make no living sense, but out here in the woods and out there in the swamps, we see the lies. And we have to know that the unfolding goes on, and we are not alone. We quote our coven mate Deb: "The future told me, “We live now in a healing you couldn’t imagine, but one that grew from your seeds.”" www.missingwitches.com/rx-these-are-not-my-people/
www.missingwitches.com/rx-these-are-not-my-people/
Risa: What was that about a healthy dose of cognitive dissonance?
Amy: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, let's just get into it. Like, Coven, friends, family, listeners, like, I'm feeling very fucking fucked up. And part of me was like, What am, what am I gonna say to this Coven? Like,
like, okay, so we know, like, we could point in any direction in the world, even in our own homes, and find an atrocity happening, whether it's humanitarian, or, you know, uh, environmental, and, on Sunday, there was An airstrike that was timed to coincide with an ad in the Super Bowl. And,
I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say about that. And, it's got me so fucked up. Um, so, you know, what do we do? What do I do? What do we do? Okay, so. My, like, list of, like, try to get rid of that overwhelming pit in my stomach is, like, make a donation, call or email your representative. I've emailed Justin Trudeau so many times, like, because every time I feel sick, I'm like, do something, like, anything.
You know, my whole philosophy has always been not nothing. What do you do? Just not nothing. Anything, but not nothing, so. Make a donation, email your world leaders, get in circle and do rituals, you know, with your coven or with the Missing Witches Coven. Like, we have been doing personal rituals and prayers and tears and weeping, and then once I do all that And if I still have the pit, which normally I do, and, you know, if you don't understand what I mean by the pit, like, lucky you, that feeling in your stomach that's just heavy and sick and scared, you know.
One of my girlfriends started calling it the pit, and so that's, you know, like a pit in your stomach, and so I just have adopted that because it feels like you're also, like, in a hole in the ground, you know. And so, after all that, after I've, I've, I've tried magic and I've tried practicality, I just, I turned to my record collection.
And, again, if you know me, you know that since I'm a kid, this is my safe place, like, my, my childhood home. wasn't the safest place, you know, but like my record collection, my, my music was where I could go to just like disappear and feel safe. And so that's like why the prescription honestly is like usually music, because that's.
That's where I go to be like, okay, look at what humanity can also do, like, look at the destruction and the hate and the greed, but also, like, you know, Kurt Vonnegut said, like, music was the only proof he needed of the existence of God, and so I sort of, like, cling to that, like, this is, this is, this is, Whatever you believe is sending messages through us that come out in music, and there's something really fucking beautiful about that for me.
So, I was listening to Backwash. Again, we interviewed Backwash years ago, before she won the Polaris Prize, before she was, you know, too big for the likes of us, so congratulations, Backwash. Because Backwash gets me fucking riled up. This is like a black trans woman from Nambia who's like, You're gonna see me for who I am and I'm not gonna shut up and I'm gonna be fucking pissed off.
And so, you know, I get into Backwash and I get riled up. And even if it doesn't make me feel more peaceful, it makes me feel like I at least have some agency in the world. So there's this one song called Burn Me at the Stake. And it starts, Ever since I started rapping, I put a target on my back. I just thought I should be smarter than I am.
For every bullet that they shoot, I'll take it harder as I can. I thought, This shit was much harder than I planned. And then backwash raps. Bucket. I'll tell these bitches, burn me at the stake. Bucket. I'm, I, I am this witch, and I'm not gonna stop being this witch. But what's really, as like a musicologist, the bonus of this backwash track for me Is that the sample, the sample that Backwash uses in this song comes from Almost Cut My Hair by Crosby, Stills, Nash Young, which is a song about, I mean, back in the 60s, having long hair for a man was like a very rebellious act, like it hit a lot differently in the 60s than it does now.
It was sort of like, the visual indicator of rebellion was long hair on a man. And part of that, I think, is because it takes a long time. You have to be committed. You know, you can't grow your hair long in a week. This is something that, you know, I'm committed to my freakdom, right? And so the lyrics in that are like, almost cut my hair.
And then, but I didn't. And I wonder why. I feel like letting my freak flag fry. Fry. I feel like letting my freak flag fly. Yes, I feel like I owe it to someone. And that's the bit that really sticks with me, like, we could say fuck it, but we feel like we owe it to someone, you know? This survivor's guilt that we're all kind of feeling right now is like, obviously preferable to actually being in physical danger, you know?
I would, I would take my survivor's remorse or guilt over, over being in, in that, in that place. Again, whether it's Sudan or Gaza or Ukraine, like, I'm not weeping for my survivor's guilt. I don't expect any sympathy. I, but I, I imagine that most of you who are listening to this or get what I'm fucking talking about.
I feel like I owe it to someone to keep caring. Does that make sense, Risa? And I don't even know who. You know, I don't have kids. My only sister does not have kids. And sometimes the little devil on my shoulder is like, You got no skin in this game, fuck it. Burn it at the stake, you know, but I feel like I owe it to someone to not cut my hair to accept the metaphor.
Does that make
Risa: sense? It does. It does make sense. You know, I'm just editing our conversation with the witches featured in the Witch Hunt documentary and we'll share that soon, but I've been thinking so much about Beautiful, wise witch, Nick Dickinson, saying that he begins by calling, calling common cause, calling allegiance with all the innocent flora and fauna.
And I really have felt, like, so rooted in that. Those are the Samoans, you know? I have to do it for fucking someone. I have to survive for someone. Also, it's funny. I, so I heard this song go by TV or something this week. And, um, it's really strange sound. It's so it's like old R& B, but with these weird layers of auto tune.
And the voice is just singing, I'm so lonely, and I felt it, you know, I felt that loneliness for me. Somehow that's tied to the pit. It's, um, how can this be? Like, how can people think this is okay? How can, how can people be celebrating and, and throwing Super Bowl parties? How do these things exist at the same time?
I know the world is vast, but How? How can this be? I'm so lonely in this world when it feels like no one else feels this. Um, so I went looking, and it's Swamp Dog. And Swamp Dog? Okay. In like, his 70s, starts playing with autotune. With like, Bon Iver, inspired by the Kanye West album that Amy and I used to get together and scream sing for hours on end, which we won't link to because he's a Nazi now, but, um, you know, his creation story.
So he's like, he starts making music by the time he's like 12 and he's making music in like 1952. Um, and he's producing all these incredible R& B records. His name is Jerry Williams Jr. He's, I mean, he produced and did. All kinds of writing and performing on like 50 tracks, and then, but it's at the time when like, especially Black men, Black people were being cut out of their royalties, and his heart was fucking broken, like, he was just devastated to have put in so much work, and to have his name left off tracks, to not be getting paid, and then he writes, I became Swamp Dog in 1970 in order to have an alter ego and someone to occupy the body while the search party was out looking for Jerry Williams, who was mentally missing in action due to certain pressures, maltreatments, and failure to get paid royalties on over 50 single records.
And in 1970, he makes this strange album, Swamp Dog, that is, as Swamp Dog, um, that is so beautiful and so weird. And the song that I sat on a lot this week is called These Are Not My People. He says, you find yourself naked in the world with no place to hide. You felt the pulse of your god and he had died.
Your rebels have got no cause and your tigers have no claws. They promised you the world on a string but you know they lied. You said you'd be back in a black Cadillac, Limousine, but you know I'm inclined to think. It's not the kind that you mean. Because when you fall down off your cloud and you're just another face in the crowd, they're gonna throw you away like last week's magazine.
It's been a gas, but I'm gonna have to pass. These are not my people. These are not my
Amy: people. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Swamp dog, fuck. Womp
Risa: dog. I was like, these are not my fucking people either, swamp dog. But, but there's a thing that happens when you hear someone say that, that makes you feel less alone. Cause like, if he feels like that then, then there are people out there that feel like me.
Amy: Maybe Swamp Dog is our people.
Risa: I mean, I wouldn't presume, but. And then he goes on to find his people like that record, and then so many more are recorded at Muscle Shoals, and it's with that same incredible group of musicians. just supporting each other's weird, you know, supporting each other's work. And he makes like 10 albums.
And then, yeah, it's like 1920s, he starts fucking around with autotune. And finally, it's like, then that that first strange Swamp Dog album goes goes gold. And the the One of his records after that is like, I'm just trying to make some more money to buy more autotune, or something the whole record is called.
Amy: But he's in his 80s. Truth in advertising.
Risa: You know? And he says, I also am like, totally entranced by this idea that like, I created this alter ego to fill the body that was empty by being brokenhearted. I'm paraphrasing, but I really, I think there's such an interesting way, I mean, it's a kind of magic, right?
Like, if I am gutted and I am in the pit, then what can I craft and conjure and give her a name? And give her garments that fill her with power and let her live somehow while I tend to this other version of me that can't right now because she's so lonely and so broken hearted by the world. I will also say my other personal prescription this week is, uh, my kid pulled this pink fluffy sweater with, with like really poofy sleeves out of my drawer the other day.
I've owned it since I thrifted it like five years ago and have never worn it. And she was like, you must wear this immediately. And like, gotta layer it with your red long dress, which was my wedding dress. And so all week, I've been wearing, I told her it's my, it's my February uniform, it's my Love Witch uniform, and she's obsessed with it, and so am I, and Mark's a little confused, but he's on board.
And I really feel like part of me is, is broken, and part of me is numb, and part of me is putting on an armature of fierce fucking love to say, I don't know those people, those aren't my people. But, I am reaching into the universe in my love witch uniform to call to all of the innocent flora and fauna and children, and insist that insist upon our connection to each other, insist upon the liberation of the world, whether we see it in our lifetime or not.
I refuse to be left in the pit, not believing that it's possible.
Amy: This ties back to backwash too, because if you meet The person behind Backwash, Ashanti, is sweet, and humble, and giggling, and can't believe that you're saying nice things about her, and just like in a little cotton dress, you know? And then you see Backwash, and Backwash is, you know, fierce, and fuck you, and courageous, and loud, and it's a completely different, you know, persona.
And so maybe we can have that as, as part of our prescription, like if you can't, if you can't, like if the you part of you can't handle it, maybe we can create a persona that can, you know, maybe we can be Swamp Dog, we can be Backwash, you know, we can Put on a piece of clothing or pieces of clothing that make us feel powerful and, and try to bring that into both, both of our personas, you know, and also, um, I do want to say that we had a little, um, meeting last night, where it just ended up being like a group of women reading poetry to each other.
And maybe that's not world healing magic, but maybe it is. Like, maybe it is. And Risa, you made me think of, um, something that one of our coven mates wrote. Let me just call it up real quick, because I didn't mean to read it. But now I am. Um, it's Deb. Our good friend Deb, who is such a beautiful soul. Thank you, Deb, for being part of our coven.
She wrote the following sentence. The future told me. We live now in a healing you couldn't imagine. But one that grew from your seeds.
So maybe what we owe is just to plant seeds. I mean, that's what we owe each other, and owe the world, because there is no fucking panacea. And, you know, it's the 21st century, and we want some, like, this is gonna fix everything, and it's one click away from world peace, and there is no panacea, there is no big, bold solution.
But, every forest grows one tree at a time, every garden grows one seed at a time, and if we can collectively each agree, that we're going to plant one seed, then maybe the future, as it, as it said to Deb, will tell us that we're in a healing now that you couldn't imagine. And Deb's right. Like, the future, the future that Deb is hearing the voice of is right.
I can't imagine. Like, part of our New Moon Circle last week, Risa, you brought this prompt of like, what does peace even look like? What does liberation even feel I feel like, you know, there's the thing about like, it's easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism. So like, maybe part of our seed planting is to like, imagine what peace even fucking would look like, so that we have something, something to focus on and look forward to, you know.
Maybe our seeds are just like, in the soil, germinating, and maybe we won't see them sprout, but that. That doesn't mean nothing. You
Risa: know? Yeah. I have, I mean, it's so hard to imagine, you know, when places are at war, so much violence, so much accumulating trauma and hatred and people who have good reason be angry and rageful and protective.
How do you unwind from that? How do you? How do you come back? How is ceasefire imagined? How is it possible? And I know there are people who will sit and work and map and craft and stitch that together, but I also know like on some of those negotiating teams there are no women. At all, you know, and so I do like I, I don't know I want to lean into imagining those grandmothers being able to come together to tell the stories of their parents and their grandparents and their kids, the people they've lost and to cry together and eat their each other's food and, and, and map a future possible.
I mean, it's so hard to fucking imagine but can't give up on it.
Amy: No. And, like, you, Coven, your willingness to fly your witch flag is, means something to someone, you know? Like, I was one of the biggest freaks at my high school, but, like, I talked to a younger kid who was like, I had never seen anybody with purple hair, and it really, like, and that was kind of my idea, was to be this, like, person who shows you that you don't have to.
You know, that you don't have the laws of man are not the same as the laws of physics is what I always come back to, you know, like. Gravity, I can't fight gravity, I can fly in an airplane or whatever, you know, there are ways of getting around it, but like, if someone tells you how to cut your hair, or to cut your hair, and you keep it long, that's like, showing the world that, you know, you, You can be who you wanna be and you can do what you want to do.
And, and you don't have to be a, a world leader, but maybe you can inspire a future world leader. You know what I mean? Anyway, I've been flying my freak flag since I was born, and sometimes it feels heavy and, you know, like backwash says, I, I put a target on my back. You know, I did that by speaking up, by getting in between, you know, a bully and someone who was more vulnerable than me.
Um, I don't regret it, but it's exhausting. And sometimes you want to say, fuck it, burn me at the stake. And that's okay to, you know, take your moment, say fuck it, but come back, come back from that fuck it moment. Always, you know, we have to come back from that fucking fuck it moment. We have to, we have to, we have to, we have to, we have to.
Risa: Yeah. And just it's okay to acknowledge if you've been numb, you know, there's so many screaming voices. We have some of them directed at us in our private DMs when we don't take enough of a stance in one direction or another. I think many people are experiencing that. Um, it's okay to have been numb and to notice when you've been numb and to kind of send some love to that.
Like that's protective system response. And lean into it a little and say thank you for the protection and thank you for the space of that garden, that garden wall, and then to nurture the seeds that are within there. To move through it, um, to move through it to action and if you're listening to this and you're not a member of the Missing Witches Coven, um, that's totally fine, but also, um, it really has become a space where we organize gatherings together, virtual gatherings, like weekly, and members are organizing their own weekly meditations, body doubling, we're doing a craftivism, we're Cauldron working together, just get together and like, what does your activism look like right now?
What does it feel like? Do you have questions? Do you want to just spend the time together researching local groups, actions in your community? Do you want to? You know, coherence check, uh, a call to action before you send it out. Do you want some help in Canva to make an image that speaks directly to how you're feeling?
Do you want to just be together and feel rage and sorrow and numbness? I really hope that you feel invited, that you may not claim the word which, or feel like you're practicing enough or any of those things. Um. But, you know, I just want you to know this, this whole project, everything we do, we've, we've made the decision to not be ad supported to truly just be community supported.
And that's because that's where we get all of our nourishment and all of our insight and that community has become just incredibly awesome and you're very, very welcome there. We really, really want. Yeah,
Amy: we're all a bunch of swamp dogs, feeling lonely, but we, we have an option, you know, because we have a coven, and a coven is very fucking serious, you know, like, it's all casual and whatever, but like, having a place where you can, you know, Unmask and be wrong, or ask questions or just weep or again, brag.
You know, we're, it's been lifesaving magic for sure, for me and I, and I think for a lot of people in the coven it has been. So, if you're a swamp dog and you're so lonely, um, you're not alone, I promise you. You're not. But sometimes you have to be the one to reach out. Sometimes it has to be you.
Risa: Yeah. If you feel sometimes like, these are not my people, maybe you'll find your people with that.
Anyway, I hope you find them.
Amy: Yeah, and bless the fucking be